honestly and earnestly

i write. there is beauty in the words we offer up. there is purpose in the words that come from us.

i want to write to make things better.

i have two themes in my head for writing this year. writing for change, writing to make things better almost always involves trying to understand what other's think and the points of view they maintain, as well as, being able to communicate those perspectives to readers. i want to profoundly connect to those who may ever read what i write.

the two themes in my head:
encountering religions &
singleness.

where will these ideas go? in which direction will they shape themselves? how will they come to life in the form of written word?

i will write honestly and earnestly.

shame.

this word, it can evoke so much. have you ever felt shame? i mean, really felt it. what does it feel like? what is it associated with?

shame is one of my least favorite things. shame only serves to bring me down. it is something of an entirely different variety that brings me out of shame.

shame is painful.

sometimes shame is associated with guilt, embarassment, worth, or disgrace. it is the result of personal sin, or someone else's sin.

before adam and eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, shame had not existed. with sin crept in shame.

shame deflates any value you once felt. shame causes alienation, usually self-inflicted. shame breeds lies. shame finds you no matter how much you try to run or hide from it. it is always there...until you decide to deal with it face to face.

so what do we do with shame?

The Discussion.

Can I tell you something?
Sure.
Well, it’s kind of hard to say out loud.
Okay. You don’t have to tell me.
Well, I want to. I guess it’s just that…I just wanted you to know that it’s hard for me to say.
Okay.
I’m just really bad at relationships. Like, really bad.
I don’t think anyone is an expert.
No, I know. What I mean is…
You aren’t looking for a relationship?
No, it isn’t that…
Okay.
Long Pause.
I’m just really, really bad at it. I just kind of need to move in slow motion. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve never been in a relationship before. Well, not really anyway. And the dysfunctional interactions I’ve had with the male species thus far have just made me realize that I wasn’t ready for a relationship all the times in the past I thought I was. Sometimes I wondered if I was ever meant to be someone’s girlfriend, let alone wife. I’m just not the kind of girl who naturally enters into relationships. I’ve never participated in anything serious and intimate before. With anyone… and...I just wanted you to know that.
(Smiles) Okay.

Own your own story!

"At a certain point I had this breakthrough—I was really blocked, and I started saying this thing to myself: ‘You're the only person who can write this story.’ And that signaled more confidence in my voice. I stopped trying to write like other writers, all of whom were male, and just learned to be myself on the page."
-Melissa Bank (author of The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing)

So for the first day of Christmas Vacation, from school that is, I went out to the happiest place on earth, a.k.a. Barnes and Noble, and purchased some extra reading material :)



One of my classmates recommended The Road. Great story about a father/son relationship...we we're discussing books that carried that theme.
Three Cups of Tea is being read by two book clubs I want to be a part of next year, plus it has been endlessly recommended by friends, my hairdresser, co-workers, etc.
and magazines of course! specifically magazines with good writing advice, going with the theme, that i firmly believe being a wide avid reader makes better writers.

Best writing advice of the day...from Melissa Bank, author of one of my favorite books! Be confident, trust your voice, believe in your story, that only you can tell.

winter break/christmas vacation!!!!

when i was a kid, we called it christmas vacation. now we call it winter break. i've been calling it winter break too. bleh! i hate that. i am not going to be politically correct, so christmas vacation it is! :)

three weeks of freedom! i am so excited...though reflecting back on this whole semester, i realized i'm actually going to miss school. really i am.

but i am so excited to read! read for fun. read for preparation...just read. cozy up on the couch, with nana's afghan, a cup of hot tea, the lit christmas tree, a kitty at my feet, a warm fireplace, and my books!!!!

the list is long, but i'm feeling ambitious!

This may well turn into a book blog...

I have read, heard, know firsthand, that the trick, rather one of many, to becoming a great writer, is by being a great reader.

I am facing the wonderful yet intimidating task of reading A LOT of books! I have a ridiculously long list...seriously it's ridiculous...almost a 1,000...and God willing I live long enough, I will read that list.

Becoming an English teacher has only served to ignite my passion for reading. We sit in class dialouging about books, discussing the amazing adventures we've been on with this book or that, the lush settings we observe, the romances that take our breath away, the escalating suspense where our hearts won't stop pounding, the characters who've become our close friends, the hero's or heroines we've fallen in love with. We read books together as co-workers. I supply my grandmother with a bag full of books every month...we read, we read, and then we read some more. I can't get enough of books...this hunger cannot be satisfied.

And with an unquenching desire to write, I have no choice but to keep reading.

My December list is growing...i am hoping when all of this school stress is behind me, I can relax and devour these books and stories I've been dreaming about, over the Christmas Holiday!

I will post that list as I refine it :)

to write...

When you write, you lay out a line of words. The line of words is a miner's pick, a wood-carver's gouge, a surgeon's probe. You weild it, and it digs a path you follow. Soon you find yourself deep in new territory. Is it a dead end, or have you located the real subject? You will know tomorrow... ~Annie Dillard

Thanks to Nick and Willy for inspiring me to really put this story line...this theme that's has been running in circles around my head into something...into story. Writing is such an open world. A realm I often wander through but never make anything specific of it.

I will walk boldly and fearlessly into this open world of writing and make something of it!